What is the Biblical Role of the Husband from Ephesians 5:23-31?
Pastor Snyder
The answer to this question is probably needed in more Christian homes than we would like to know. With the divorce
rate around 50 percent of all marriages, saved or unsaved it does not matter. There is an absolute need for the
husband to understand the great principle found in the Word of God about marriage. Especially sense the husband
is the head of the family and he will give the account for the family to the Lord, not the wife or children, the husband
will. So let see the helpful principles the apostle Paul gives for marriages in Ephesians 5.
Before we look at Ephesians 5 it will be helpful to come up with a definition of the word “Home” which will help us in the
pursue of the Biblical role of the Husband from Ephesians 5. Home: where each lives for the other, and all live for
God. This simple definition tells us that our happiness comes from giving ourselves to each other while being
obedient to God’s Word. Let look at some principles from this passage of Scripture and ask the Holy Spirit of God to
guide us into the truth that is here.
The Headship principle: In verse 23 and 24 the apostle Paul is teaching that the husband has the responsibility of
being the Head of the home, just as Christ is head of the church. But what does this really means in the Christian
Home.
First, the head of the home possesses the most authority in the family. This conclusion is impossible not to come to if
one is honest with the scriptures. In verse 22 Paul tells the wife to submit to the husband and in verse 23 he gives the
reason, the “husband is the head of the wife.” Then he gives an example of headship, by using Christ as the head of
the church. Finally Paul gives the extent of this authority; wives should submit to their husbands in everything. This
clearly establishes the husband as the authority in the home.
Husband’s mistake – thinking that this headship gives him complete power and selfish control over the family no
matter what. The authority given him must be consistent with Christ’s example. Christ did not demonstrate absolute
control over his disciples; in fact Christ headship could be explanted with three words, service, sacrifice, and
schoolmaster. In the Gospel of Mark 10:43-45, we have a description of service and sacrifice. We are told in verse
45 that the “Son of Man” (Christ) came to “minister” (the word means - to wait tables and offer food and drink to
guests) and to give his life as a ransom (the word means – paying the price to redeem). There is no doubt that Christ
both serve and sacrificed for the church. Also one cannot read the New Testament without seeing that Christ
schooled (taught) his disciples. Christ was the great teacher of the church.
Second, the head of the home follows Christ example for his family. 1) The husband is to be a servant in the home.
Looking for how he can best serve his family as Christ did the church. 2) The husband is to sacrifice for the home.
He is to give up his selfish desires for what is best for the family as Christ did for His disciples. 3) The husband is to
be a schoolmaster in the home. He is to teach the family as Christ taught His disciples, with word and example of
actions.
Sadly most husbands do not see what this passage of Scripture teaches. All that they see is their right to be the
absolute authority in the house. In 1 Corinthian 11:3 we are told that the head of Christ is God (the Father). And we
know Christ submitted to the Father. Something interesting happen in this submission, no were in Scripture do we see
them disagreeing with each other. Even though Christ submitted to the Father there was perfect harmony in their
relationship, husbands do you see the point, your headship should bring harmony in the home not chaos or
confusion. Because are headship mirror the ministry of Christ, we must recognize Christ should be chief emphasis in
the home.
The Love principle. In verse 25 Paul tells the “husbands to love your wives as Christ loved the church.” Let me
underscore the fact that every Christian is commanded to love (Matt 22:37-39). So this verse must at least teach that
the husband has a weakness in loving his wife. There are two main reasons why this is true in a husband’s life.
First, he does not value her in the same way that Christ valued the church. Christ value of the church was such that
He gave Himself on the cross for her. He was willing to do what ever it took to bring His bride to Himself even His
death. He value His bride because He understood that their relationship is an eternally marriage.
Second, he does not have as his sole purpose the glorying of his bride. Husband’s if you look at verse 26 and 27 you
cannot help but comprehend you have a very special role to fulfill with your wife. Notice what the Bible said Jesus did
for His bride, He “sanctify” (word means – to make holy, consecrate) her. Notice that this sanctifying and cleansing
come from the Word of God – being a “Schoolmaster (teacher of his wife).
The forgiveness principle. Verse 26 teaches that Christ forgave the Church of her sins (He forgave individual who
become the church). He could not have made her holy (sanctify) without the forgiveness of sin. This is one the great
gospel principles, forgiveness of our sins (1 Cor. 15:3). Husband forgiveness must permeate your home. Paul
teaches that no disagreement between individual should be left for the next day (Eph 4:26-27). Lack of forgiveness
between husbands and wife will hurt your relationship with the Lord (Is 59:1-2) and allows the devil a place in your
marriage (Eph 4:27)
The caring and cherishing principle. Paul teaches in verses 28-29 that a husband is to care for his wife better than
he cares for his own body. And demonstrate warmth to his wonderful bride. John MacArthur’s definition of the words
“nourisheth” and “cherisheth” are helpful to understanding the “caring and cherishing principle.” To nourish a wife is
to provide for her needs, to give that which helps her grow and mature in favor with God and man. To cherish her is to
use tender love and physical affection to give her warmth, comfort, protection, and security. She is to take first place
in your life; all that you are should be to build her up.
The complete principle. Verse 31 is a quote from Genesis 2:24. The context of Genesis chapter two is the creation of
Adam and Eve. In verse 20 Adam name the animals and after naming them he realized there was no “help meet” for
him. In verse 21 - 23 God cause a great sleep to fall on Adam and took from his side and created Eve his help meet.
And Adam was now complete, because he had Eve as his help meet. There are three principles in this completing
given in Ephesians 5:31
1 The leaving principle: This is one of problems in marriages today, one of or both of the partners do not leave
their old family and start a new family. They do not understand that they are now under new authority and
responsibility. This does not mean they stopping loving or respecting their parents, they are just no longer under
their authority.
2 The cleaving principle: This word “joined” literally means to be “glued together.” You are breaking one set of
ties, that of parent –children relationship and now starting a second, more permanent relationship between Husband
and Wife. This is the only relationship in all of Scripture that is said they become “one flesh.” No other relationship is
to take precedence over the Husband – Wife relationship, except for your relationship with Christ.
3 The one flesh principle: This is more than a reference to physical union between a man and woman in
marriage. The idea here is probably more that of making each person complete or whole. Neither husband or wife is
complete or whole without each other.
Because the husband and wife become one in flesh (marriage), if either one of them, damages, demoralizes, or
degrades the other, then neither is still complete or whole. The sin of either one will separate the “one flesh
principle.”
Quote of Conclusion: Tertullian 2nd century church father wrote about this passage – “How beautiful, then, the
marriage of two Christians, two who are one in home, one in desire, one in the way of life they follow, one in the
religion they practice…Nothing divides them either in flesh or in spirit…They pray together, they worship together,
they fast together; instructing one another, encouraging one another, strengthening one another. Side by side they
visit God’s church and partake of God’s banquet; side by side they face difficulties and persecution, share their
consolations. They have no secrets from one another; they never shun each other’s company; they never bring
sorrow to each other’s hearts…Seeing this Christ rejoices. To such as these He gives His peace. Where there are
two together, there also He is present.
Most wives do not want their husbands to die for them. They want their husbands to live for them. – Husband you can
only truly live for your wife if you are living for your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.